another boring post

He saw my eyes swollen

He knows I've been crying whole night

I saw his expression

He feels the pain I feel

He is not the one who broke my heart

He is the guy from every another boring post

He is pure kind

He still cares

But he can't do much

because he sees no more love left for him inside my eyes

I don't know why

He still cares

But one thing I know

I'm so much get over him

suck-est thing about a BOY

boys,

did you know the suckest thing about being you 

in my point of view is

when you haven't get me yet

you act like will be here always beside me

you will do any unimportant yet sweet things to make me fall for you

and

when you get my heart

you will not do the same thing like you did before

you become worse than the worst.

oh boy.

I sick of get through things like this

that's why

you see me so easy leaving you JUST LIKE THAT

cause I want to get my MAN

not a boy who still doesn't know about himself

ps: grow up boy

sweetest gift

daddy,

your heart must be very much aching now

mommy,

your must be sick of crying now

I'm sorry dad and mom

I wish if only I was there

if only I was your son

if only I am 10 years older than now

if only I'm not a student

if only I'm not depend on your money

if only I have everything that can make you proud of me

and

they will never look you down

they will never hurt you this much

they will find you cause they know

you have a tough son

but

now, you have three little daughters

who only can cry when you get hurt

who only can hold their anger in silent words 

who can't do much but cry

however

I promise

as the eldest

I will live very well

I will not do bad things

I will not dirt my body and mind

I will study harder than before

I will prove the world

that all your efforts raising me up until now

is not a waste at all

and 

this will be the sweetest gift for my parents

and the sweetest revenge for those who hurts you

PS: happy mama's day :)

Letter to family

Dear Dad, Mom, Yeyek and Finfin

Would you like to hold my hand..

let's live in a small village

where there's no electricity

Daddy..

When the main occupation is farming

In the morning mom makes simple breakfast before you go to the field

I help mom cook for you

you wear shabby clothes with short pant with high spirit heading to your workplace

Mommy..

you stay at house teaching me and sisters how to cook

sewing some clothes to sell it to the market

I will carry your clothes to the market and yeyek will help me sells the clothes

for the profit you make a simple yet our most favorite dinner

Ye, Fin, don't you want a peaceful life.

where our main concern is not become a rich successful woman

we can live our life so simple

we play hide and seek in front of house yard

mom chasing us with a rattan for being naughty and skip classes

dad takes us to his field and teach us how to planting rice

we play kite at the open sky

I tickle both of you so we can play chasing game in the grassland

mom pull my ear for teasing you and your lil sis

dad let you jump into his shoulder and hold your hand act like he's an aeroplane

we don't need any better education

as long as we can put smile on our parents face

we don't need million of money to spend

as long as there's a warmth in my mom and dad's hand

having a simple life

with limited money to spend

marrying a simple guy

become a farmer's wife

don't have any concern about being wealth

it's all I wanna be

when God still give me chance

to have the same family

when I die and return back as a new human

I prefer to be a poor family

but live in a very happy and warm heart

Randome!

10:58 pm

I might be crazy

cause I've never done this thing to anyone before

one question for you,

is it me too addicted or you are too attractive

?

I don't need any

take notice human!

I don't need any of you

if I'm just visible when you need me

If you think you all are humans

just see me as animal

anyway, I got heart too

does animal's heart way easier to break?

Grateful for being single :)

I know a lot of single friends

from single since yesterday until single since they were born

One thing I can't understand them

why the hell they really want to get involve in a relationship so freaking bad?

erm. I know, someday. I will have my lifetime partner

but if I can choose to

and if there is no negative perception of an old lady live in a small house alone

I will choose not to have any boyfriend

I fed up to love someone

or to be loved by someone

Let me tell you what will happen in most of love cycle

we fall in love

smile without any reason

become couple

get through sweet moments (fyi, maximal 3months)

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

break up

frustration

stress

ex all over the head

sleep

wake up

cry

eat

cry

study

cry

sleep

wake up

cry

*continue yourself*

I have been get through this situation twice.

The first is the worst of all

the second, I thought it will be the last

yet, torn my heart into small pieces

I feel it just such a waste of time

having a relationship

cause you will get hurt

but it doesn't mean that I afraid of getting hurt

I just feel so fucked up when I get involved in love

the hardest part is

to get over someone you loved

you can't control your heart, can you?

why have to force something we can't even control?
"trying to forget someone we love is as hard as 
trying to remember someone we never met"
can you feel how hard is it?
(being exaggerated LOL)

anyway, it takes time

suffering the pain when time leads you away from your ex

Now,

I am so grateful

for being single

and free from love

however,

I still have those memories

which will not fade

I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the things that don't change; when everybody else does (Marcin. M, 2010)

anyway, this just my personal experience

but I still feel very happy if my friend gets new bf or whatsoever

cause I want them to prove me wrong

that relationship is not about hurting each other

but yet, no one 'slap' my head

and show me what's the beauty of love