Randome!

10:58 pm

I might be crazy

cause I've never done this thing to anyone before

one question for you,

is it me too addicted or you are too attractive

?

I don't need any

take notice human!

I don't need any of you

if I'm just visible when you need me

If you think you all are humans

just see me as animal

anyway, I got heart too

does animal's heart way easier to break?

Grateful for being single :)

I know a lot of single friends

from single since yesterday until single since they were born

One thing I can't understand them

why the hell they really want to get involve in a relationship so freaking bad?

erm. I know, someday. I will have my lifetime partner

but if I can choose to

and if there is no negative perception of an old lady live in a small house alone

I will choose not to have any boyfriend

I fed up to love someone

or to be loved by someone

Let me tell you what will happen in most of love cycle

we fall in love

smile without any reason

become couple

get through sweet moments (fyi, maximal 3months)

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

arguing

crying

break up

frustration

stress

ex all over the head

sleep

wake up

cry

eat

cry

study

cry

sleep

wake up

cry

*continue yourself*

I have been get through this situation twice.

The first is the worst of all

the second, I thought it will be the last

yet, torn my heart into small pieces

I feel it just such a waste of time

having a relationship

cause you will get hurt

but it doesn't mean that I afraid of getting hurt

I just feel so fucked up when I get involved in love

the hardest part is

to get over someone you loved

you can't control your heart, can you?

why have to force something we can't even control?
"trying to forget someone we love is as hard as 
trying to remember someone we never met"
can you feel how hard is it?
(being exaggerated LOL)

anyway, it takes time

suffering the pain when time leads you away from your ex

Now,

I am so grateful

for being single

and free from love

however,

I still have those memories

which will not fade

I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the things that don't change; when everybody else does (Marcin. M, 2010)

anyway, this just my personal experience

but I still feel very happy if my friend gets new bf or whatsoever

cause I want them to prove me wrong

that relationship is not about hurting each other

but yet, no one 'slap' my head

and show me what's the beauty of love

BIG QUESTION MARK IN MY HEAD

readers,

I got one big question mark in my head

It's been bothering my brain

and I've been asking most of my friends since I was in high school

and they failed to answer :(

When I watch movie, some people try to suicide by cutting their wrist's arteries

with kitchen knife

and they died successfully with lot of tears spread on their face

But, I saw people lose their arm whether it's right or left or both

yet, still alive O.O

Is this case is a magic case

or someone can answer me with scientific explanation

I'm waiting..

my insanity part

hello readers,

now my laptop clock shows it's already 3:01 am

and I'm still struggling to understand

what the hell is UNIVERSAL VALUE

okay,

I wish I was a Malaysian

can understand english very well :(

every slide I spend my time in GOOGLE TRANSLATING 

some words that I don't even know that word has ever exist

example like, perennial inferior and so on

I know I'm so lame :(

I spent my time doing scribble and hopefully it works on my exam

a lot rite?

haha. doesn't mean to show off.

in fact. I am :p

ahh readers, u  have to know this is

advertising student's misery

facing exam :(

now I'm going to do more scribble. cause I can't remember

now clock shows 3:28am

and this is Felle accompanied by unfriendly eyes

reporting from my horrible room

see my eye bag. can put lecture notes inside *random talk* unconscious stage1

so sleepy even now im typing with eyes close full feels like im in planet x dating with alien
* unconscious stage 10 

wishing my Taylor's friends have the best luck

and can do the best for exams!

and wishing you all

have a goodnight sleep!

gently reminder: don't drink coffee too much.

What can I do? - The Corrs

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me.. 

another boring post

If I could turn back time,

I will spend my time more with mom and dad

I won't fight with my sisters

I will take my sisters go watch movie and sing together

I won't be in a relationship with any guy
If I were,
I won't hurt you that much
I will understand you more
I will be more mature
I will treat your parents like mine
I will let you know how much u mean to me


Some people say that you don't know what you have until you lose it, but it's not like that... 
I always knew what I had, I just never thought I would lose it..






8:00am
thanks to stupid dream now I become so emo

Letter to daddy

I'm a type of daughter who cannot say sweet things to people especially to the one I love most, my dad

I cannot express my feeling how much he meant to me and how much I love him more than any guys in this world

So I dedicated this letter to my dad. Hopefully someday, I can show him this letter

and I hope

I'm not too late

Dear daddy,

I used to ignore your presence because I found you are so plain and just concern on your work

everytime I share my stories only to mom, cause she is the one who care most

when I was a child, you like to scold me and usually I scold you back

Cause I thought you never know what is my feeling inside

you only care about your work

I went to a favorite high school in Jakarta

I took the most expensive English course

I had a private teacher to taught me Chinese language

I study overseas

I had three cupboards just for accommodate my clothes

this things suddenly SLAP MY FACE so hard till I realized

me, my sisters and my mom are eat up

your world

your time

your happiness

and yet, you never complain

never regret for what you have done to us

I used to say to my high school friends

how I wish I got cool parents like them

can spend their weekend with their parents

and I used to think, if in one week there are 8 days, 

would you give his time just for one day for me and my sisters?

I spend most of time

complaining

arguing 

with you

why you never understand us?

why you never want to spend your time to hang out with us?

However, as the time passes.

I think, It's me who need to understand you more.

I know you have been very responsible to this family

you provide all your daughters the best one

even you can spend your money to take you around the world

but why you love us so much?

I feel very pain dad,

when you didn't care about your health

I feel so small and useless

I feel that I cant help you much

so, please dad..

can you give me time to make you believe that I can hand you a beautiful world?

PS: I miss you (too)

mind vs action

Hello friends,

today I feel so amaze with myself x)

because I just realized that IMPOSSIBLE is NOTHING

Have u ever felt that you cannot do something that others can simply do?

ME?

yes, I felt this kind of situation yesterday :(

since I was kindergarten, I believe i'm not good at design.

so in my high school time, teacher gave me homework I won't do it by myself

I will ALWAYS ask others help

it just because I believe, I'm not good at design.

I tried to make some design tho, but still, my mind said "NO YOU CAN'T" :(

[COLLEGE LIFE]

Mr Puah, my sem 3 lecturer ask me and my group design 24 pages magazine

yesterday,

he asked us to show him our final draft

and guess what

I haven't do any single page

I'm so dead !

Then, I ask my friend to help however something went wrong and

 this situation forced me to do it myself within 24 freakin hours!

*WALAWEE*

my group members all almost finish their design

and I felt so guilty

this kind of situation

made me force myself to design the magazine as good as I can

now, here's what I've done so far

this is the layout of my first page

this is my content of magazine. I like it too much FYI I spend 8 hours to make two pages of content

I spent 1 hour making this x) not so satisfied but yet, some ppl like it yeay !

I showed to Mr Puah already and he said,

"OKAY!"

I feel glad 
because he love to criticize people's work

and he didn't criticize me AT ALL!

I feel glad

because many ppl said my design is WOW

I can't believe it actually

YES , I know although my design not as good as the pro one.

but hey,

I used to pessimistic and never believe in myself that I can do it!

okay, That's the design made by a stupid LAME girl who used to believe

she's not good at design.

she's the one who always feel bad because too much bothered others just to do her design's homework

The thing is,

If you tell your mind that you cannot do it,

your mind will control your hand movement and all your actions to make you cannot do it.

if you BELIEVE you can do it,

with all your heart and your strong will,

I'm sure, impossible is just a piece of SH*T

so readers,

do believe urself kay?

don't let your small mind control all over your body :)


whenever you feel you cannot do it,
just look around and see others
think that if others can do it well, why you can't?

awesome story by Paulo Coelho - The Perfect Heart

A simple story by Paulo Coelho that really inspire me!

A young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it.

But an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said,

“Your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly but full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in … but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. The young man looked at the old man’s heart and laughed.

“You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine … mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

” “Yes,” said the old man, “Yours is perfect looking … but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love….. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them … and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges.

“ Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away … and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges … giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too … and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart.

It fit …. but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since lovefrom the old man’s heart flowed into his.

online, retrieved 8th October 2010 from http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/10/04/readers-story-the-perfect-heart/

if only

if only you can fight for me and our love,

things won't be this hard. 

Somehow you just show me that I'm not worth in your eyes at all.

if only you will not let tears come down in my eyes,

I still will drop my tears for you

a happy tears

Somehow you just prove me that I'm a sloppy girl.

if only you can be someone that I can depend on,

I will be strong by knowing you will catch me whenever I fall

Somehow you just let me fall out your grip effortlessly.

if only you can prove me what you've said before

that you will love me forever

I will feel like the luckiest girl in the world

Somehow you just make me realize there's nothing last forever.

You hurt me once,

shame on you

You hurt twice,

shame on ME.

it's already die

First time  you gave your heart I thought

I'm the luckiest girl on earth

How could it be me?

an ordinary girl who can't even use any make up

Not pretty and messy

My heart feels like wanna explode into a thousand little pieces of love

when you let me enter your life

when we are holding hands and walk through the night

I used to love you so much

even before I realized that you love me too


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMNWR0KeMsQ

Every time I close my eyes

I hope this feelings never fade

and will last forever

Somehow

'forever' should be remove from dictionary

forever is a lie

there is nothing in this world

last forever

I feel like a chewing gum

you chew it when it's sweet

and spit it when it's tasteless

First time you stab my heart

it's bleeding

sorry doesn't heal a broken heart

however,

as long as I love you,

it doesn't matter

as long as I can still hear your voice,

it doesn't bother

Last time you torn my heart

it's not bleeding anymore

it's already die

your love will not make my heart alive

even if you try so hard

it's already die

another boring post

I know it's impossible for us to be together

however,

Please be fat

eat lots of meats and vegetables

don't ever cry because of me

just remember that I'm an evil witch

sweetest song Pogues- Love u till the end

I'm hoping I can get someone who can sing this song for me. damn sweet wey haha x)

really recommended for guys who want to express their love.

I just want to see you 
When you're all alone 
I just want to catch you if I can 
I just want to be there 
When the morning light explodes 
On your face it radiates 
I can't escape 
I love you 'till the end 

I just want to tell you nothing 
You don't want to hear 
All I want is for you to say 
Why don't you just take me 
Where I've never been before 
I know you want to hear me 
Catch my breath 
I love you 'till the end 

I just want to be there 
When we're caught in the rain 
I just want to see you laugh not cry 
I just want to feel you 
When the night puts on it's cloak 
I'm lost for words don't tell me 
All I can say 
I love you 'till the end

Separated

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird

Then we wouldn't have wings

If love was a sky

We'd be blue

If love was a choir

You and I could never sing

Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar

You and I could never win

Cause we can never act out our parts

If love is the Bible

Then we are lost in sin

Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire

Then we have lost the spark

Love never felt so cold

If love was a light

Then we're lost in the dark

Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport

We're not on the same team

You and I are destined to lose

If love was an ocean

Then we are just a stream

Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times

It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye

Girl you know I love you, I can't deny

I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I

I know it hurts so much but it's best for us

Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust

So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry

It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated