if only

if only you can fight for me and our love,

things won't be this hard. 

Somehow you just show me that I'm not worth in your eyes at all.

if only you will not let tears come down in my eyes,

I still will drop my tears for you

a happy tears

Somehow you just prove me that I'm a sloppy girl.

if only you can be someone that I can depend on,

I will be strong by knowing you will catch me whenever I fall

Somehow you just let me fall out your grip effortlessly.

if only you can prove me what you've said before

that you will love me forever

I will feel like the luckiest girl in the world

Somehow you just make me realize there's nothing last forever.

You hurt me once,

shame on you

You hurt twice,

shame on ME.

it's already die

First time  you gave your heart I thought

I'm the luckiest girl on earth

How could it be me?

an ordinary girl who can't even use any make up

Not pretty and messy

My heart feels like wanna explode into a thousand little pieces of love

when you let me enter your life

when we are holding hands and walk through the night

I used to love you so much

even before I realized that you love me too


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMNWR0KeMsQ

Every time I close my eyes

I hope this feelings never fade

and will last forever

Somehow

'forever' should be remove from dictionary

forever is a lie

there is nothing in this world

last forever

I feel like a chewing gum

you chew it when it's sweet

and spit it when it's tasteless

First time you stab my heart

it's bleeding

sorry doesn't heal a broken heart

however,

as long as I love you,

it doesn't matter

as long as I can still hear your voice,

it doesn't bother

Last time you torn my heart

it's not bleeding anymore

it's already die

your love will not make my heart alive

even if you try so hard

it's already die

another boring post

I know it's impossible for us to be together

however,

Please be fat

eat lots of meats and vegetables

don't ever cry because of me

just remember that I'm an evil witch

sweetest song Pogues- Love u till the end

I'm hoping I can get someone who can sing this song for me. damn sweet wey haha x)

really recommended for guys who want to express their love.

I just want to see you 
When you're all alone 
I just want to catch you if I can 
I just want to be there 
When the morning light explodes 
On your face it radiates 
I can't escape 
I love you 'till the end 

I just want to tell you nothing 
You don't want to hear 
All I want is for you to say 
Why don't you just take me 
Where I've never been before 
I know you want to hear me 
Catch my breath 
I love you 'till the end 

I just want to be there 
When we're caught in the rain 
I just want to see you laugh not cry 
I just want to feel you 
When the night puts on it's cloak 
I'm lost for words don't tell me 
All I can say 
I love you 'till the end

Separated

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird

Then we wouldn't have wings

If love was a sky

We'd be blue

If love was a choir

You and I could never sing

Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar

You and I could never win

Cause we can never act out our parts

If love is the Bible

Then we are lost in sin

Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire

Then we have lost the spark

Love never felt so cold

If love was a light

Then we're lost in the dark

Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport

We're not on the same team

You and I are destined to lose

If love was an ocean

Then we are just a stream

Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times

It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye

Girl you know I love you, I can't deny

I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I

I know it hurts so much but it's best for us

Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust

So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry

It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way

And I'll go mine

Live your life, and I'll live mine

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine

Cause we're better off, separated

another boring post

9th August 2010

10:34 am

My relationship with TH officially over

although it's hard

I can accept it

cause I know

my heart will stop beating

if I'm still with TH

another boring post

Today,

that person (TH) keep stabbing my heart

it's bleeding, friends

Yesterday, 

I saw my dad scream and hit his head

cause he can't breath

I'm so panic

the first person who came into my mind is

TH

He's in Singapore

I call him and ask him whether he can come to Malaysia or not

he said he can

Just want to make sure

TH really care about my feelings and my dad condition

I ask TH not to come

I want to know his answer

Then TH said

"oh r u sure I don't have to come?

Later if I didn't come don't angry with me ya"

Then, I know TH doesn't care

Then I cried

I said

"I really hoping u will be here

can wipe my tears

and can comfort me

but I said like that

so I want you to convince me

u come here because u really care about my dad condition

not because u afraid I will angry"

TH said

"if u can handle ur pain without me

and u can understand me

it's far from singapore to malaysia

I'm very thankful to you

it's better for me not to come

u can comfort yourself

or ask your friends to comfort u"

I can't believe what TH said to me

it's really painful

How come TH doesn't care about my feelings

and he thought I can't understand him

WTF

Friends.

U have to understand woman's feeling

when she said she's ok

she just one someone to look into her eyes

hug her tight

and said

"no, I know you're not"

another painful life with TH

I think it's better for me to kill my heart

so this heart will never feel any pain

untitled

11:43PM

about two hours ago

I almost lose my dad

I don't want to cry

cause I believe my dad will be strong

as he used to be

But when his breathlessness come again

It's very hard for him to survive

he started to slap his face

and try to breath with mouth

Seriously,

I don't wanna cry

But why my tears can't obey my order

somehow

someone whisper my thought

that

everythings will not be alright

Thanks to sprightful nurses in ward 7

Gleneagles Hospital

and Dr.Halmey

can quickly send my father in ICU

now,

he's in ICU

his heart is very weak

so he has to put balloon that can help to pump his heart

when I feel like I almost lose my dad

I can't stop crying like a hungry baby

no matter who's in front of me

I get lost

I really want my dad get over his disease

that's why I decided not to eat meat

until my dad recover

and can go back to Indonesia

I hope it works

and God can answer my pray

Ps: I love u dad, get well soon :'(

my dream

friends

on April this year

2010

for the first time

I know what I really want when I grow up

I wanna build a mental hospital

On 25th April 2010

I saw some horrible pictures

in Kaskus

It tells the condition in Cipayung asylum

damn tragic

I'm very angry with people who did this to them

Although they can't think properly

can't take care of themselves

but hey they still human

and they deserve a better life !

that's why

I wanna build a better future for them

I wanna become a part

to convince them

life is a never ending journey

that we should fight for

I believe I can cure them

I feel that they have get through so much pain

till they can't take it anymore

So they become like that

This is my biggest dream

before build an asylum

I have to work harder

to achieve my dream

and I hope my dream and

your dream

someday will become reality

:)

we have to believe it friends

once again

we will when we believe LOL

Do I have a heart ? (boring post no need to read)

I'm so confused

Have u ever felt

when u have someone

who is so adorable

so kind

gorgeous

patient

like the child of God

but you not really sure

whether u love that person or not?

Maybe you all will think

when u have someone is kind

that's will be enough

well,

I already have it

but I'm not happy yet

I feel something missing 

in my relationship

that person is kind

however that person is not really that into me

I know it

that's why I dare to post my feelings

I know that person won't read my post

eventhough I already told that person to read it

I don't feel any warmth

I love to lie

Maybe when I say I love u

Don't u ever trust me

cause maybe I only love my family

ughh

another boring post from me x(

many things in my mind

mixed like gado gado

I dont have friends to share

or someone who can comfort me

so I think this blog can be my loyal friend

Life is pain!

Friends,

I feel life so pain.

Am I wrong?

I'm sitting next to my superhero

my role model

my inspiration

he's my dad

He suffers A LOT

In the morning a doctor said he can't cure my dad

He got coronary artery disease

chest pain

hardly breathe

Is there any way that he can share his pain?

Buddha said

Life is pain

Yes, it is!

We born

getting marry

old

sick

and die

in order to live our life happily

we have to letting go our desire

But, please .

I'm just 18 years old girl

this is just too much for me

You will SERIOUSLY see me like this if the worst thing happen to my dad

My dad,

He is a workaholic

Do you think it's bad?

Everyday, he has to deal with dusts in the factory

disrespect retailers

and lazy employees

he forces himself too much until he didn't care about his body

He did this just to achieve his noble goal

he wants all his daughters not to be like him

he want us to study overseas

so we can get a better education

and we can work with our brain not with our muscle

When I was 17 years old

my dad came to me and said

dear, don't find a man who is good-looking

cause when both of you getting old

there's nothing you can proud of

all will be same and no longer beauty as the time pass

however,

find a man who has a good-heart

you will proud of it until the end of your day.

Since then, I was very dazzled with his words

and make him as my role model

You must be familiar with this sentence

*People deserve a second chance*

But where is my chance to make him proud of me ?

at least I have to show him all his efforts won't be useless!

I won't ever ever ever letting go my desire

Not until I can make him proud of me

Not until I pay back all his efforts

So friends..

My heart so pain

just by starring my dad with his swollen eyes and painful expression

Do you think I deserve a chance?

I wish my dad will be recover soon

So my readers,

whatever your religion is

I hope you will praying for my dad

cause I believe

A true prayer can shake the heaven

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta 

Wish all creatures who live in this world will be happy

SADHU SADHU SADHU